Plesse do not stop time

The same excuse comes up, Mariele, you go out for a cigarette. Can I smoke outside?, You say because you have to ask so no one would see your tears... everyone thinks they have more reasons to own those tears, even you... you who "have been there since the beginning". Many have more to say than you do, don't they? Then you cry, you cry because there won't be anything... again... this is the life you chose but you never thought it would hurt, did you?  Tears in solitude... solitude that you thought you were so used to it;  you were never by yourself, were you? But you pretend that you are so good in saying good bye, I will see you again, I will miss you, I was, You were. I was not, You were not, WE WERE and I COULD NOT EXIST WITHOUT YOU THAT IS THE FUCKING TRUTH, you constructed me in the person I am today and I am happy YOU did.  After four years I am glad it wasn't someone else. Will I cry? Yes. Will I be happy for you? Yes. I am not pretending; this is me... naked, there is no fancy dresses, no make up, no politics, finally there is no rhetoric, no catchy discourses, no words, no psychological excuses... this is the same girl trying to survive four years ago with no intention to be heard but desperate to hear what you had to say... the one who needed someone who could count on.... 

I will be alone and I will overcome not because I am too strong but because I know that if I want to see you again I know what has to be done. This is the life I chose, the one of  not setting roots, we made a mistake we started loving the blossoms of something that could not grow during several freezing winters, at least I know that our plant grows in the dessert, it doesn't needs water, it feeds from hibiscus tea.