FEAR, HELPLESSNESS, SHAME, SELF-COMPASSION
pain... loneliness... stupidity... life-long flash-backs...
my photo, your canvas, her picture, our movie, his book.
Are you ok?, she says... thick Canadian accent
I... I am not sure, I say with my thick "Latin" accent
I did not look at her, I will never remember her face,
your voice is still in my head.
I did not accept her help, rode my bike once again
pain, tears, anger, self-blame, clumsiness,
What the fuck am I doing with my life?
I pretended to ask myself,
waiting to hear a "you've done everything right"
one of those kinds of answers that are full of shit
The water from the shower mixes up with my salty tears
the pain is there, it will remain here
I like the physical pain better, it hurts
but at least I know it will go away.
Big-time reality check:
The reality struck you right on your face, Mariele
your elbow protected you from the pavement
but whether you like it or not
it was the pavement what made you feel alive again.
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